John Kirwood

John Kirwood (died 2003) was a British spanking actor and maker of spanking videos, active in the 1990s and early 2000s. As the key figure in the Moonglow West division of Moonglow, he produced twenty-five full-length films and a number of shorter clips, playing the spanker role in most of them himself.

A round-faced man with thick brown hair and large spectacles, Kirwood had a slightly comic persona in front of the camera even when trying to be serious. He made droll humour a feature of his output and created caricatures such as Hans Hoff the German businessman, Mudstock the gardener, Raimondo the chef, and Clint Westwood the film director, by employing an accent, wig, or false beard.

Kirwood’s work was unglamorous and not particularly polished, despite high ambitions on his part. He always edited his films himself, because he insisted on using three cameras, which made the task unusually complex. His business partner George Harlow recalled:

After one [spanking] party in 1993, John Kirwood asked me if I would like to help him make the most professional CP video ever made. He reckoned that the fare generally available was pretty bad and he could outshine the lot of them. He presented me with the synopsis of How'sZat! …The script was rather pedestrian; John would be the secretary of a cricket club and the girls would be incompetent secretaries. I was curious to know how it would shake the world. Appointed director, my worst fears were well founded. John's acting skills were pretty bad and the verbal padding interminable.

Actress Lucy Bailey also voiced some reservations:

My first productions were for John at Moonglow West and, though a complete enthusiast who spared no expense, he did insist on being the writer, director, editor and chief spanker in all of his films. This was unfortunate because writing, directing and acting were not his strongest talents. He always gave out very sound thrashings though, which meant that his films were appreciated by spankers.

The simple and obvious delight that Kirwood took in spanking, tawsing, and caning women’s bottoms endeared him to viewers, especially those who found it easy to identify with a jocular, lower-middle-class, provincial Englishman. Even when administering stern punishments, he came across as essentially genial and unthreatening.

Filmography (as actor)

• HowZat! (Moonglow West, 1994), as Secretary of the Moonglow Cricket Club, with Stacey Rowe
• Condomania (Moonglow West, 1994), as Mike, with Alison Payne & Jennie Greenstreet
• Minnie the Jinx (Moonglow West, 1995), as Hans Hoff
• Silly Millie (Moonglow West, 1995), as Hans Hoff, with Stacey Rowe
• Suffering Sisters (Moonglow West, 1995), as Clint Westwood, with Alison Payne
• Retribution (Moonglow West, 1996), as Mudstock
• Flatmates’ Discipline (Moonglow West, 1996), as Mudstock, with Lucy Bailey and Sara Benachour
• Rattan College 1: The Sportsmistress (Moonglow, 1996), as Sir Jasper, with Jenny Close & Mel Penny
• Uncle Terry's Naughty Nieces (Moonglow West, 1996), as Terry
• The Misadventures of St. Joan (Moonglow West, 1997), as Sir Robert, with June Yates
• Naughty Nurses (Moonglow West, 1997), as Dr Doogood, with June Yates & Jenny Close
• CP Therapy - The new Marriage Correction service (Moonglow West, 1998), as the Town Clerk, with Dominique Wright & Stephanie
• Christmas Thrashings (Moonglow West, 1998), as Father Christmas, with Dominique Wright
• Doctor's Remedy (Moonglow West, 1998), as Dr Doogood, with Yvonne
• Marriage Guidance (Moonglow West, 1998), as Jim, with Lucy Bailey
• Two for the Crop (Moonglow West, 1998), as Raimondo, with Dominique Wright & Lucy Bailey
• Blackrod! (Moonglow West, 1999), as Karen’s father, with Jenny Close & Juliet Sevre
• Two More for the Crop (Moonglow West, 1999), as Raimondo, with Mel Penny & Stacey Rowe
• CP Therapy Part II - More punished housewives (Moonglow West, 2000), as the Town Clerk, with Julie Webster
• Moonglow West Highlights (Moonglow West, 2000)
• Naughty Nurses 2 - Nurses in Trouble (Moonglow West, 2001), as Dr Doogood, with Lorraine Ansell & Lesley Saye
• Seven Sore Dreams (Moonglow West, 2002), as the ghostly monk
• Severity School (Moonglow West, 2002), as Dr Flogham, with Elena
• More Punishment Files (Moonglow c. 2010), with Stacy Rowe
  • Three short films made in the 1990s: A Secret Six of the Best, A Caning for the Taxi Ride & Stacey’s Punishment Hour
• One Man and His Cane (Moonglow West, 2010)
  • A tribute anthology of caning scenes from his films.